my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize