What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
