Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
