After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
