what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
