i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
