the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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