All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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