My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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