What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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