Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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