You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
