covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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