TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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