My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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