Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
