I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
