I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
