two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
