Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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