So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
