I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I FOUND THE LEGS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize