Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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