I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
