I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
