Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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