I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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