She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
