You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
