1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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