At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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