He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize