I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
