we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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