did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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