u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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