Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
