I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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