your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
