I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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