Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
