carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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