Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
