We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
