We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
