I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
