It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
