Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
