I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
