theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
