At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
