He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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