Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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