Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
