this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
