some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is Oprah even human
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
