so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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