Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
