dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
