I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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