I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
