By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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