I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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