Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
