dude i'm inner monologue high
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
