Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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