Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
