Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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