yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
