I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
