i just had sex bonerless
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
