She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
