i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
