I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
