I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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