your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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