Having a random hookup so left but love u
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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