She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
